The Scriptures tell us “do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (Deut. 22:10 & II Cor. 6:14). More plainly in our words of today: don’t be joined at the neck with an unsuitable partner. In the latter reference Paul is speaking of Christians being joined to non-Christians. The figurative picture seems rather clear when considering the culture of Paul’s time and place – two oxen were yoked for the purpose of working together, thus lightening the load for each other in the work to be done. If the two animals were not of the same mind, strength and willingness, much suffering would befall one or both of the two – maladjusted effectiveness would result. If God so cared for the animals referenced in the Deuteronomy passage, how much more does He care for His people in regard to our close relationships, which can be difficult at best in our present, fallen world.
While the principle may be applied to many human relationships which require commitment and perseverance for success (business partners, etc.), it definitely fits as an analogy for the work of a successful marriage.
Ouch! I can feel the stinging words from the many who will no doubt disagree with my understanding of this and related Scriptures. But if we disagree with another Christian regarding the teaching of God’s words to us, let’s make sure we disagree with each other only and not with God. We do this by studying the context of the debated Scriptures and those related to them.
Many scriptural truths were not properly taught in the churches in which I grew up. But after the Spirit came to live in my heart and to guide my understanding, some things gradually became sound reasoning and thus God graciously spared me and protected me from much harm that could have otherwise resulted. As I matured as a Christian and became a woman, casual dating was the norm. I knew that to date a non-Christian would only lead to trouble and regret to some degree. Regardless of a young man’s nice guy or good-ole-boy reputation, and regardless of how attractive he was, I did not have confidence in my ability to bring him to a saving faith in Christ, as some young women seemed to have. Only God can do that (2 Tim. 2:25)!
I was considered by many to be old-fashioned, ‘wall-flowered’ etc. for my lack of boyfriends because of this stance. There were opportunities to sow sorrow and regret for myself and another. It was a time of surging freedoms of expression and passions and sensual appetites run amuck. It still is but to a worse degree! Desiring a mutually Christian marriage and a life-partner who was also my best friend, my prayers and patience were not always in harmony (I Pet. 3:7, Matt. 9:6 & Gen. 2:24).
My testimony is not that, at last, Prince Charming came and we lived happily ever after. It is that eventually God sent the ‘right one’ for me and we now continue to live out our days working and plowing together. This yoke thing requires pulling and leaning together as well as like-mindedness in most things, etc. How great the difficulties must be for those who do not share and submit to the same loving Master in their yoke of marriage. There are difficulties enough even when Christians strive at such team-work.
Am I dooming all marriages of Christian to non-Christian? No. The Scriptures provide guidance for the believer who is in that situation (I Cor. 7:12-15 and others). Am I judging those who voluntarily enter such marriages? No. Am I saying that Christians shouldn’t date or marry non-Christians? Yes I am, because of many Scripture passages by which we are to be guided. Dating (to any Christian) should not be viewed as fun, sporting experiments for the single person. Can we play with fire and not get burned (Prov. 6:27)? Dating (preferably courtship for the very young adult) should be the first step in getting to better know each other as prospective lifetime partners under God’s shelter. Safer, less tempting, more modest and more fitting means of socializing with the opposite sex are easily found by any who are willing to look for them. Why should we walk the precipice of a cliff simply because others do it?
Marriage is one of God’s chief blessings to mankind. When rightly understood and practiced, it is a gilded picture of Christ and His Church. The preliminary relationship that leads to marriage should also be one of the most blessed, beautiful, and God-honoring times of our lives (Prov. 30:18-19). The demand for perpetual love-story-themed movies and countless romance novels tell us that we long for beauty and honor in the relationship that leads to marriage. We desire true and romantic beauty in the marriage union itself. Should we not patiently seek this blessing from God if we desire to please Him as the true Lord of our lives?
There are countless unequally yoked marriages that survive and in some ways even thrive. PERHAPS, (a big perhaps), God will use the Christian partner to help lead the unbelieving one to true union with Christ; but this is nowhere promised in Scripture and to proceed on the assumption that He will is risky and sometimes rebellious behavior. Those Christians who have experienced ‘unequal’ marriages for even a short time, in honest assessment, would acknowledge that life would have been and would now be exponentially better if both had been Christians from the beginning of their union. This does not negate the love between them. It does tell us that the Lord always knows what is best for His people. Always!
For a Christian to ignore God’s precepts for our lives concerning these relationships is truly the equivalent of courting disaster. His commandments and precepts set forth in Scripture are not given to make us miserable. He does not wish to squelch our earthly happiness. To the contrary, His truth, when obeyed, will enhance all of our human relationships. If this is true, how much more so the wonderfully emotionally intimate, romantic relationships of courtship and marriage, the most intimate of human relationships.
~ DLA
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